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2.25 x 2.5 x 2.75"

And he's wearing the Jester's horns!  This is a big substantial piece of 3-D, and I had to make NINE of the damstinkin things before one came out that didn't have a crack somewhere.  I'm not used to invoking the Dreaded Work Ethic, and didn't enjoy the process one little bit!  Like the jester below, I made the spiral horns first and popped em into the kiln to stay hot while I completed the head.  Then I grabbed them with hot tweezers and slapped em onto the head fast, so horns and head didn't blow up and I didn't hear that nasty 'Tink!' sound that means glass has cracked somewhere. Nine times.  ack.  BULLETIN!  The critter made it into the Small Glass exhibition & show catalog, and the design is retired!

3.5 x 2.25 x 2"

 Limited Series

Jester Overdose!  This guy is #1 in the Gold Face series (the prototype has a green face, and belongs to a nice BeadBabe in the D.C. area).  I made #1 into a pretty darned cool necklace which juried into the Diary Barn Cultural Arts Center's 2004 Bead International exhibit in Athens, Ohio, and just got back from two years of traveling exhibitions - my beads get around more than I do, dammit!  This is a limited edition wearable art piece, and a real stinker to make.  It's a compound bead with 4 pieces - head, hat, and two collar bits.  The hat's the killer - I have to make the spiral horns first and keep them hot in the kiln, then make the hat, complete with twisties and flowers.  Then I heat a spot on the hat until it's glowing, grab a horn out of the kiln with hot tongs, heat its butt and attach it - and do it two more times, all the while spinning like crazy in the flame to try to keep the whole mess warm.  The horns blow off from thermal shock during application;  they blow off while I'm adding more horns; and if I actually finish a good hat, it'll probably blow off in the kiln during the cool-down - but at least THAT one won't go down my shirt!  I've made six Gold Jesters so far, if you'd like  #7, give me a call!

3 x 2.25 x 1.25"

When I'm in Attempted Jester Production Mode I have to make the head first, and it's sitting in front of me when I try for Hattage, because the head has to fit inside the hat brim, which has to extend down around the forehead.  Tricky business... I've made a couple hats that looked like a good fit, but when they came out of the kiln and I tried em on the head, they $%#$@$!!! didn't fit!  So I have to make another head (heaven FORBID I make another hat), and now I have an extra . There came the day I was stringing dangly legs & chicken feet on a clutch of Easy Lay's, and when I got to the last one there were no more feet (Great Artists Are Not So Good At Math...)  What to do? I had that extra Jester head, so I took a swig of Diet Pepsi, stuck the footless chicken on the Jester's head, and snorted soda out my nose.  Yep, it was that funny!  It's a really entertaining design with lots & lots & lots of names, and extra Jester heads all get Pullet Surprises now!  (NOTE:  See Easy Lay Chicken down below..)

4.5 x 4.5 x 2"

This whopper designed for the Forest Realm exhibit, the All-Member Show at the Int'l Society of Glass Beadmakers Gathering in Portland in August 2004. It brought me closer to heart attack than any other piece I've done... once the total, perfect landscape base bead is entirely finished, I have to heat a spot to super-molten and, without messing up the base bead in any way, stab a piece of wire in as far as I can.  And I have to do this SEVEN TIMES....  only two of these have survived the process, and I'm not sure I have! The wires are threaded with seed beads & the leaves are secured with a special adhesive - if a seed bead ever breaks, you can remove the leaf & fixit!  I supply a repair kit with this - the fix is a piece o'cake, takes 5 minutes! You may never need to use it, but isn't it nice that it's available just in case? 

$350     4.5" x 1.75"   

These are the new mix n' match critters -  really big, really expensive, really really REALLY worth it!  On the front I make a complete creature in three parts, head, body, and legs.  But the back.... OH, THE BACK!  The back has three different images from 3 different creatures, and the whole mess is wired together with silver so the parts can be rotated to make 8 different combinations.  The piece on the left is the prototype, wired up with copper - you can see what the silver looks like in the pictures below.  

The pictures show the complete front and complete back of this particular design - just imagine the genetic chaos when you start swiveling! I'll probably have a couple pre-made (I'll choose the images) for sale at shows, but the rest will be special order.  I've drawn a Glorious Mess O' Design choices, and you can pick out your images and I'll get to work! 

PRICING: These fall into "Giant Extravaganza Really Really Difficult Lots Of Opportunity To Screw Up" mode, and there's always a section I have to do over, and something always cracks, so this costs more - but it's a steal considering what it takes to make these stinkers!

4.5 x 1.75"

or, An Ostrich In The Hand Is Worth 2 In The Bush (African, not George...)

These are the new Spinning Portraits -  the base bead is an encased landscape, with sky & clouds & grass, and then you get a big fat ostrich on the front, and on the reverse side you get the back of the bird head, back of legs, and tail with butthole.  

These are a lot easier to do than the Mix n' Match above, so it costs less, and I can do front & back portraits of pretty much anything (umm.. maybe I shouldn't have said that? Could lead to Challenges!)

$250  

Flamingo:   4.5 x 1.75"      Giraffe:    4.75 x 1.25"

And this is my favorite option! Once I get the front done perfectly, if I have to do something complex on the back  I go into 'work-faster-and-faster-major-freak-out' mode (a sight to see!)  So here I chose not to, and the cost is even less!   The image is only on the front.  The back is landscape, except for that strange surreal pink winged or yellow dotted UFO hovering in mid-air...  I could have done something about that, but I made the Artistic Decision to just Let It Be (that's what happens when I'm beading to the Beatles...)   Love these beads, and they're BIG... great focal! 

2.5" x 1"

No butts about it, this chick has dangle!  She has a nicely perky design, with her head down and butt in the air - and she's Anatomically Correct (how could I not?)  She's an Aries, Easy but not Cheep, likes long romantic roosts on top of the barn, and her favorite song is 'Come On Baby, Light My Fryer'. She's often Spotted in the aviary (sorry......) and  comes with two eggs, Hardboiled and Sunny Side Up, great for earrings or used on a necklace.  Want more egg pairs?  $8 a set!  

3.5" x 1.75"

Meet Sandy Egg-O, a party girl on her way to the beach.  She's wearing the latest Chicken Dior Couture Leisure Beachwear with custom  modifications in the Tail Area to accommodate the Special Needs Of Poultry.  Unfortunately those Special Needs can lead to ... how do I say this?.... embarrassments?  Let's just say that a chicken engaging in inappropriate behavior on the beach will produce - yes, Sandy Eggs.  Victims of Fowl Play.  But it could be worse, could've been a Case of Chirpies... 

4 x 3 x 1" 

This Mongo Giganto Corsage is 4" high, 3" wide and the smiley flower is 1" tall (that doesn't show at all in the photo).  It's pretty darned flashy when you see it in person!  The base can be the aqua as shown or a really nice medium blue, and has little twisty vines and flowers on the back.   I used a new technique I've been messing around with - the 4 side leaves and the flower were all made separately with the hole going partway thru.  Stuck them in the kiln and then did the base bead - when it was done I blasted little molten areas with the torch (STRESS! TERROR! SHAKING! SWEARING LIKE A SAILOR!) and inserted NiChrome wire (relief... whimpering... a nap). When all the components came out of the kiln I cleaned them, slid them onto the wire, and bonded them together. Lots of fun doing this - I can get great detail! 

2 x 1.25 x 1.25"

Give us fertilizer, we need it, Give us some dirt, we'll seed it - We're gonna make our buds sprout blue, Doin' it our way...   Nothin's gonna stop our bloomin', Unless we're stepped on by a Human  - Or our roots are eaten by a shrew, Growin' it our way, Yes our way, Bloom all at once on cue - our way, Yes our way, For me and  youuuuu...... ACK! ENOUGH!  These junior versions of the Gargantua above NEVER stop talking & singing - see? They're doing it now!  Also in the series:  Bud, who doesn't look like much at first (but he grows on you.... )  ACK! STOP! 

2 x 1.5"

note: Bead holes are all vertical, up thru the legs

This design is Karen Scott's fault - she really, really, really wanted a donkey pendant for the election, and with Machiavellian patience and lots of email exchanges she wormed her way into my subconscious.  Must have, because I woke at 3am with the complete 'Ass Backwards' name & design, and did a fast drawing in the dark (it's good to have pad & pen next to the bed!).  The next morning I was able to translate the drawing and couldn't remember the name, but it popped back in a couple days later.  This is the prototype, and I put a murrini kissy-lip on the back so after the election she could rename it... hehee

2 x 1.5"

Wasn't that awful?  Right up there with "Meet my Pet Rock, Hudson".   And this is the next one I did.  This time I made the butt & accessories more central to the design, lowered the head & shortened the legs, so this is more like a donkey, and Karen's is more like a mule. The other side of the bead is flat, but I've sculpted the jaw, chest, and neck into it so it looks pretty good, but wears well! 

2 x 1.5"

All Bow to Pam Farnsworth!  She's just suggested that all the non-donkey designs in this series should be renamed, and she's right... Introducing the new HindSights, and thank you Pam!  

So here's the first in the series - a zebra that turned out just so stinkin' cool that I'm using it in my (few) advertisements this year.  Gonna make a lot more of these... 

2 x 1.75"

Actually, this is my Gollum, but it makes a pretty good gargoyle!  The pictures are great but the critter is way better in person, if you can get past the Fish Breath.  He's truly a stinker to make;  I was going to call this design Ogre Easy, but two hours into fighting with the leg/arm arrangement sure changed that!  I've been thinking about doing a set, with this guy and a female version (tasteful, really - hands over boobal structures) and could call it Demons Are A Ghoul's Best Friend... whatcha think?   Back to this guy - these new pictures allow you to see Perky Gollum Butt Cheeks!  Spine Dots!  Bulgy shoulders and thin little arms just perfect for snatching fish out of pools deep in the roots of the Misty Mountains...

2 x 2.25"

Burp....   Need I say more?  Yeah, probably...   Here we have Gollum, stuffed full to exploding with his favorite mid-morning snack.  His body's hollow - these always start out life as the mid-section of a big Ojime Dragon, but sometimes when I get the arms, shoulders & fingers just right it'll start looking Gollum-y. That's when I stick it in the kiln to stay hot, make a head, haul out the body (ouch! burned fingers!), slap on the head, give the butt some attention, add toes, and there ya go... fish start vanishing from the Southern California Tourist Attractions again...   This is the 3rd one I've done so far.

$145          

 3 x 4 x 1.25"

This Slug is Clean! It's been de-Slimed!  Won't smudge your good silk shirt!  And it's famous, sort of - exhibited at the ISGB Silly Contest at the Gathering in Portland last August.  See the panel just below for all the gruesome details!  Now back to Mr. GreenSpot over there - incorporating him into jewelry will be a bit different than my usual 'stick it on a chain'.  The bead hole goes across the body, thru the arms and hands, and out the middle finger, and to put him together I threaded 20 gauge silver wire and wrapped loops at the end of the fingers on both sides.  You can have an instant necklace by attaching the loops to a chain with jump rings, or you could take it apart and make a necklace like the Blue&Red slug on the Jewelry page.   Either way, it's pretty cute, and it's clean clear thru... till it's Slime Time again!

2.5" x 1.75"

This is a Frogsicle.  I don't have a clue how it got in the freezer, but this was how I found it, huddled blue and freezing - apparently it had been living on the boxes of Skinny Cow fudgesicle bars that I forgot about when I ditched the diet. Judging by the expression, it liked em a lot! 

It's warm now, but still strangely blue.  And Velcro the Cat is nursing it back to health.  More info later.

1.75 x 2"

Ya know how, no matter how much you try, you just can't get rid of this stuff?  It's because there are thousands of these critters ringing your arteries and thighs, and every one of em are holding hands and feet for dear life, making a fine tight Mesh Of Evil that will hang on forever.  Dammit.  Just like the germs - you'd never expect these miserable little monsters to be so cute, huh?  Cellulite (the pink critter on top) is really popular at Weight Watcher meetings - just don't forget to take it off before you weigh in! 

2.75 x 2"

Of course Veggie Cellulite is green! All the Macro Veg Birkenstock Babes in Bike Shorts in the Whole Foods in Berkeley have just the faintest tinge of green on their thighs....  it's these guys, all linked up and no place to go.  The Circus Specimen to the left was collected from a pile of elephant droppings at the last Barnum & Bailey Extravaganza at the Oakland Coliseum.  It seems their Trunked Performers *REALLY ARE* working for Peanuts.... lots & lots & lots of peanuts.  Veggie Cellulite, indeed.

6.75 x 2.5 x 1.25"

He just looks like a Spike, doesn't he?  This would be a great gift, if you care enough to send the Very Beast!  I was messing around with expressions and thought it would be entertaining to try out the 7 Deadly Sins, and this one certainly fit -  doesn't he look like he's just (if you'll pardon the expression) Gotten Some?  He sat in the bead drawer smirking at me and wiggling his eyebrows for a couple weeks, and then I broke down, made him a body using an extra dragon-tum, and when he persisted in buzzing the cats all night, I locked him in my bead display case.  All's Well That Ends. 

4 x 1.5"

Most of my big Compound Bead Compositions happen just before a show, while I'm packing the beads.  This is when I start thinking maybe I don't have enough stuff to keep an 8' table nicely stocked for 4 days.  Panic!  Dive into the bead drawer!  Desperately stick bits n' pieces together!  Do they fit? Do they work? Can I come up with a name or shtick?  HELPPPPP!    That's how this Circus Stack Thingy was born, and I liked it so much I made a couple more....