*Vintage Stuff*


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Vintage Page 3

Bead

   Price & Size
     (inches)
Name & Description
And more older stuff...  
Sylvie_assignment_5_front_JPEG.jpg (152240 bytes)  

Sylvie_assignment_5_sideB_JPEG.jpg (176971 bytes)

Swat Team (or, Portrait of the Artist with facelift, haircut and housefly...) 

This is so hot off the kiln, I haven't even removed it from the mandrel yet.  It's Assignment 5 from Sylvie Lansdowne's online Creativity Workshop (a great class!), and turned out so friggin' cool I had to stick it up somewhere.  So this illustrates lots of special techniques: 1) Crossed eyes are murrini 2) Fly is component work - I made it separately, kept it warm in the kiln, then stuck it on the nose at the very end 3) Hair made with twisty and ribbon cane  4) Assorted 'how to make faces' sculptural techniques honed in Loren Stump's class  5) Lots of Artistic License - I dropped some weight, gave myself a chin & nose job, and trimmed my hair.  Ain't Art Wonderful?

Cat-Ojime-Hollow-Spook.jpg (27746 bytes) $165

3.35 x 2 x 1.25"

 
It's a cat, she said reflectively.... 

This is what happens the first time you put a kitten in front of a mirror.... it's pretty much the funniest thing in existence, and the arching and hissing and bouncing and grabbing will go on till the little nutcase collapses into sudden & absolute deep sleep - sometimes in the middle of a leap.  I'm so glad this stage only lasts a year or so -  you can get a bit of sleep the next 17 or so years!  This is a 2 part design, head & body separated by a rhinestone collar.  The body is hollow, so it's a lot lighter than it looks.  It's pretty big - I have it sitting in my bead display cabinet as a sculpture, and it looks way good!  

Dog-head-ojime-hound-JPEG.jpg (26249 bytes) $125 (incl. bones)

1.5 x 1.5 x 1.25"

(the nose sticks out some!) 

 
Ya Ain't Nothin' But A...  well, sure! 

All that's missing is the drool - with this guy, there should be a lot of it.  Maybe you could put clear iridized glass drops into the necklace?  This is your basic ivory, tea-stained hound dog, with a nice wet nose, floppy jowls with little whisker dots, and pink tongue hanging off to the right.  The hole goes vertically, from under the chin up thru the top of his head.  This guy brings his breakfast with him... he comes with two bones (1.25" to 1.5" long - they vary!)  Now all you need is a water bowl, poop scoop, chew toy, leash, squirrels, flea dip, and a porch he can sleep under...

Cat-on-Box-JPEG.jpg (14384 bytes) $135

2.25 x 1.5"

 
Crouching Kitten, Hidden Present   (actually, the future is the one that's hidden...)

Philosophical musing aside, what we've got here is a lousy picture of a nice little crouching cat sitting on a fancy decorated box.  I was in a twisty-stringer mood that day, made about 50 and then had to use em for something, and I made enough boxes to keep my circus going for the next couple years!  For those who don't work glass, twisties are the candy cane spiral bits going up the edges of the box.  You make em by heating the last inch or so of two different colored rods of glass.  Then you overlap the hot parts so one's on top of the other, heat till melty, remove from the flame, and twist like the Very Devil while pulling the glass out into a thin strand.  Great for all kinds of decorations - I use em on cow dresses a lot. 

Cat-Tokens-Assorted-JPEG.jpg (35552 bytes) $32

1.25 x 1.25"

 
Kitty Tokens 

Grip your token tightly - it'll allow you passage thru the (low) turnstile into the Anteroom of the Kitty Underground, immortalized in the prints of Furrier & Ives - a place of sandy floors, push-pedal fountains of cream, Louis XIV chairs for sleeping and scratching, and hot & cold running mice.  And this is just the Anteroom. If you're brave or foolish enough to crawl thru the exit under the table (it looks like a giant brown paper bag), you'll Boldly Go Where No (hu)Man Has Gone Before... been nice knowing you!  

Frog-Mother--Child.jpg (25179 bytes) $165

*discontinued*

1.75 x 2.25 x1.5" (nee)deep

4 out of 5 Mama Frogs use POND'S Baby Lotion!   (what *else* would a frog use?)

Yeah, okay, you can kick me.  But then I wouldn't tell you about this baby frog's soft, silky bottom (or, for that matter, it's pond's soft silky bottom... but let's stop.)  This is a stinker to make - they blow apart way too often - only 2 have actually turned out!  I make the baby frog separately, plop it into a kiln to stay warm, then make most of mama, heat her belly molten, grab the kid and bond him in place, then finish mom's arms and legs.  This is usually the point her eyes blow off...  Nothing like a challenge! 

Gollywholloper-flying-NEW.jpg (25406 bytes) $112

1 x 2"

 

Flying GollyWhollopers 

Sons of OctoBall.  See the round spiky beads on the Octoball Necklace on the Jewelry page?  These magnificent Flying GollyWhollopers were born when something went Terribly Wrong during the Octoball Harvest, leaving me with large lopsided hollow beads that would never, ever go symmetrical again.  So I turned up the torch, blasted the octopod bumpies with heat and melted em into the body, added legs, face and tail (or is it? These are the Sons of...   no. Couldn't be), and The Incredible Flying GollyWholloper Troupe was born.   Still hollow, so they're a lot lighter than you'd expect.  Cute little buggers, aren't they?  My failures are so good....  arms are in all different positions, depending on how the Wonkiness Went!

Gollywhollopers_Standing_JPEG.jpg (17381 bytes) $112

1.5 x 1.5"

 

 

Standing GollyWhollopers 

Daughters of OctoBall.  These went lopsided down at the bottom, and the only way I could fix em was to wind more glass onto the mandrel to make legs, and plop on some feet with colored toenails (these are the Daughters of OctoBall, after all...)  The best part of this kind of hollow bead mess-up is that I can carve nice deep perky butts into the non-face end, and even apply Anatomically Correct Details (indented dots, okay?)  GollieBabes make nice pendants, and you can make them into Compound Bead Extravaganzas by stringing them on other beads, much like I do with the critters in the Circus Series! 

Aquarium-Goldfish-Surface.jpg (25573 bytes) $112

1.75 x 1.75"

3-D Aquarium With Fish        (I really need a good name for this! )

I went to Venice and Murano (several times - ya gotta go, it's just amazing!) and every shop sold glass, and at the back of every shop there was a guy with a torch and a couple rods of glass whipping out 3-D sculptures of roses & frogs & stuff, and I thought (insert Thought Balloon here...)  "I can do that!  I can make little sculptural thingies and apply them to my beads to get REALLY 3-D effects!" and I came home and did it!  This bead has a goldfish with silver foil inside and big bulgy eyes, that I made as a stand-alone sculpture.  I stuck in the kiln to stay hot while I made an encased base bead with seaweed inside, then with one hand I kept the bead hot in the flame, and with my other hand I held open the kiln door, and with my OTHER hand I pulled out the fish with warmed tweezers (really longggg warmed tweezers).  Then I heated the fish in the flame and attached it to the base, added more squiggles of seaweed over everything, and BINGO-YIPPEEE,  all done!  Pretty cool bead - and the fish is *way* more dimensional than it looks in the picture!  

Aquarium-Lobsters.jpg (152981 bytes) large:  $145

2.25 x 2"

small:  $112

2 x 1.75"

3-D Aquarium with Lobster  Hard Boiled! Cooked in the Sea... At a temperature of 103...   come on, guys, hum along, this is one of the greats of Rock n' Roll!  Here we have a Classic Tabular Aquarium Bead with a big orangey-red lobster floating on the surface in the finest 3D relief available, and FOR NO EXTRA CHARGE! lots of green squiggly seaweed strands around the sides and back in a couple layers under the surface and on top.   This is the extremely rare North American crustacean, genus Homarus Americanus Crockpotus Lotsabutterus, commonly known as the Thermal Hot Springs Lobster.   The first Early American convenience food, Thermal Hot Springs Lobsters are extracted from their habitats perfectly cooked, and have only to be bathed in butter to achieve their highest destiny -  kinda like me. Note: I flipped the picture sideways so it fit better.  The bead holes are horizontal...
Animal-Cylinder-Lion.jpg (20145 bytes) Animal Cylinders LG Cow Elephant.jpg (24789 bytes) Animal Cylinder -  Lions, cows, elephants, other stuff!  2 x 1.25"   $120 

This is a peculiar merge of Landscape Bead and Carousel Horse, but it works!  Doesn't matter which direction this rotates while you're wearing it, there's no side that doesn't have a nice bit critter on a  landscape background.  It's X-Treme 3-D Sculptural Relief in action - a lot like the figures on the Pediments of the Parthenon, ya know, the ones that are carved so deeply that entire nations of pigeons could live in there and except for the whitewash, the tourists would never know?   See?  Art History education at work!  Meet the Lion, Master of His Domain - and you can see a bit of his Domain on the right, just under the base of the tail.  Yep, Lion.  Big mane, big balls.  You expected class here?   Piffle!

Alien-Mosquitoes-NEW.jpg (55529 bytes) $85

3 x 2"

Alien Mosquitoes

Here they are, for your viewing enjoyment, the rarely seen and even more rarely trapped Larval Forms of...  Bob!   The Alien Mosquito life cycle is a strange and wonderful thing.  Popping into existence out of nowhere (because they and Bob are, after all, Anatomically Incorrect), Alien Mosquitoes dive tail-first into Mars and Milky Way bars, suck out the innards, pooch out their tummies, and fly away, leaving the thin chocolate outer shell for me to eat  (burp). They search out a stinky pile of men's dirty stinky socks, dive in, and incubate TOTALLY UNDISTURBED for 9 to 12 years and eventually emerge in full adult Bob form.  Note: it takes 54,322 candy bars and several dozen socks to effect one Bob Transformation - that's why most Alien Mosquito Ranches have gone into Chapter 11.  Business stinks.  Literally.

Bob-New-Front.jpg (35375 bytes) Bob-New-2.jpg (33411 bytes)  Joke Series:   * Bob *          $250    9 x 2"

The first of the joke series.   Know *WHY* he's called Bob?  Remember all those tacky jokes about body parts and names (what do you call two guys hanging on each side of a window? Curt and Rod..  The guy you toss in a pile of leaves?  Russell..)  Well, this critter doesn't have any arms or legs, and when you toss him in a pool.... BOB!  If he ever grows appendages I'll have to change his name.  This is a honkin' big pendant, and the more tail beads I add, the longer it gets!   It has Swarovski crystal rondelles on the collar (I've said this before, and it's true.. my critters wear Swarovski, or they wear nothing at all).  I can't get a good view of the face on the scanner, but there's teeth, and separate upper & lower jaws, waggling tongue, and the eyes are crossed and loopy.  I wear this at shows, and people are constantly groping my chest... wish I'd had it in college.

Gremlin-Barbhead-Insomnia-3.jpg (21832 bytes) $225

4.25 x 1.5 x 1.25"

 

Things That Go Bump In The Night Series:  Love At First Sight 

The Midwest harbors a tall nutso babe who makes fiber dolls, Barb McLean.  I make heads for her, and she incorporates them into Whiz-Bang-Cool beaded dolls - go to the Jewelry page/Designers Gallery to see a whole bunch of her work, and her website info.  Barb started by making dolls using my small suns, and then she asked me to design Gremlin heads for a new series and she made em good! I don't sell the Gremlin heads to the public, just to Barb.  But once in awhile one looks at me in just the right way, and I keep the little stinker.  This one's in love, can't you tell from the eyes? It's  a 25-bead compound critter, hollow body for lightness,  Swarovski rondelles for glitter, purple flowers for girlfriend.  Hmmm... wonder what his girlfriend would look like? Would she wear a bikini?  Would she be a California Ghoul?  Would she be the Gargoyle of His Dreams?  Would somebody please stop me? 

Bob-NOT-Lime-Turq.jpg (32269 bytes)

$250 

9.5 x 2.5 x 1.5"

 

The Big Green Thing That's NOT Bob  (it has arms!)

I don't know his name, but I know his job... this is the guy who tends the beds of Sea Sponges. All his polka dots have air bubbles, so he can stay under for many hours.  He swims vertically like a seahorse so he can navigate the billowy masses of sponge, and he uses his four powerful arms to keep the sponges squeezed, releasing all the trapped water.  There are billions of these trolling the ocean floor.  

Can you imagine how significantly the sea level would drop if all the sponges in all the oceans filled with water?  This guy and his cronies make sure that doesn't happen - good heavens, we'd have to recalibrate every sea-level measurement in existence, and Mile-High Stadium would become Six Mile High Stadium...   but you'd still be able to breathe.  And the Mile High Club... but let's not go there. 

Dragon-Heads-Ivory-JPEG.jpg (40941 bytes) $165

1 x 2.25 x 1.25"

Ivory Dragon Heads   

Bob is a cartoony nutso-critter (did you notice?) and the Dragon Folks wanted something a bit more Mature and Sophisticated (snort!) so THIS is how my Classic Chinese-Style Dragons look now, very dragon-y and spiffy and just a little bit evil (for me, that's a triumph - seems like everything I make comes out barfably cute!)   

These are great for Modular Gifts;  you can snag a head to wear as a pendant, and then extort the rest of the body as a birthday or holiday gift from the Loved One Who Owes You The Most!  Just let me know you want the full body treatment for your head .....you know, re-reading that line brings up the most bizarre images... and contact me for shipping and packaging info.  And  please, DO NOT send back the head stuffed loose into a padded photo mailer - I don't ever want to receive an envelope of dust again. 

Dragon-Ojime-1.jpg (39903 bytes) Dragon-Ojime-Necklace.jpg (43460 bytes)

Ivory Dragon - Full Body    $350    9.5 x 2.5 x 1.5"

I truly can't figure out why I can't get a whiz-bang, world-class picture of this design!  The creature on the left was a real lollapalooza, but we couldn't get the head to angle to show the ruffles or horn extension, and the pic doesn't highlight its size and luxurious texture.  The head is a lot like the top head in the picture above, but you sure can't tell from THIS picture!  Gonna make another one, and try for a better image.  The dragon on the right was made as a special request with a longer neck so it could be attached to a chain at both ends and worn as a long choker - a great idea!  These have a *lot* of detail work - the back of the head and body is studded with glowy jewels made with trapped air bubbles, and of course they're signed with my signature cane! 

Painted-Dragon-1.jpg (12889 bytes) Painted-Dragon-1.jpg (12889 bytes)

The Un-named Dragon... NAMED.... or maybe not!

'Ivory Dragon" is totally uninspired, and I was having trouble coming up with a good name.  'Any ideas?'  I asked the Warped Core Group who troll this website, and got bunches of suggestions.  None of them are quite right, so it's still the Ivory Dragon, but nonetheless, WE HAVE A WINNER!

And what does she win, you ask?  Not much.. just *FAME*, and commendations, and all the leftover meatloaves sent by the folks doing special orders who think they'll get a better bead by sucking up to The Hubby instead of me, and my serious and relieved thanks -  As I say, the Winning Entry comes from Frederica in Canada (don't blame the country for this) who observes that (1) Dragons breathe fire;  (2) My dragon has a hollow belly for methane storage; and (3) Being my dragon, it would do no doubt do things ass-backwards;  so (4) It is  FIREFARTER!    Everyone please genuflect in the direction of the northern border, in homage to the babe who managed to merge gaseous emissions and a  rancid Stephen King pun - I salute you!   The only question that remains is exactly HOW a FireFarter terminates the beautiful princess tied to the battlements?  Jury's out on that one...

Dragon_Green_Turquoise_JPEG.jpg (12382 bytes)

 

9 x 2.25"

 

Will plug in an updated image soon - they're way better now!

 

Asparagus Dragon          $250  (deluxe edition $300)    9.5 x 2.5 x 1.5"

Meet the Asparagus Dragon - only 6" tall in real life.  The Asparagus Dragon Swarms descend on the fields during nights of the full moon.  Planting themselves tail-first into the soil, they balance between the tender new stalks and using the diamond claws tipping each of their long, delicate fingers, they carefully score the tops of the new shoots and braid them into tapered cross-hatched points by the light of the moon.  When they're done, the swarm flies away (I'll let you know what they do next when I figure it out - life cycles are so tricky!)  The A.D. Infestation has spread worldwide, impacting the asparagus crop everywhere -  you can't go into a grocery anymore without finding all the produce scored and braided.  Some suppliers have even tried growing asparagus in darkened sealed vaults, which produces a very tender, flavorful white vegetable, but the dragons have infiltrated these crops too.  You might as well get used to it....  these creatures appear to be unaffected by most pesticides now on the market and there's not much hope of ever seeing a smooth-tip asparagus shoot anytime soon.  Now, could you pass the hollandaise?  (Note: this is a really old picture, before I started doing fatter, fancier tails, but it'll give you an idea of what the Dragon Population looks like in color... will update picture soon.)  

Big-Gold-Spike-Thingy-JPEG.jpg (17989 bytes) $225

6.5" x 1.5"

 
Bookworm in Love 

This is a another big one! It has a hollow body but no wings (it's a worm, folks!) and since it's The Season For Love, it's doing a barfably nauseating goofy-eyed love stare and clutching a bunch of flowers for its sweetie.  It's apparently been on quite an odyssey looking for the above mentioned sweetie;  it's had several owners, and just recently made its way back to me.  I put a stop to its Rovin' Ways by donating it to the permanent collection of The Bead Museum in Washington, DC.  It'll be on display as part of their The Tiny Mighty Bead exhibition, January to June, 2005 - stop by & say Hi, you may be the long-lost tootsie its been searching for.  If you are, be prepared...  it's a Bookworm.  It'll eat your paperbacks,  it poops sawdust, and it reeks of mucilage - kind of like a graduate student..  

Cat-Fish-JPEG.jpg (19439 bytes) $185

3.5 x 1.5"

 
Waddya Mean, What's This?  It's a Catfish! 

Kinda puts you off nice Cajun restaurants, doesn't it?  Here we all thought we were eating those ugly gray bottom feeders with the long tendril whiskers,  fried crispy with a nice breadcrumb coating and one too many shots of BAM!, served on a white oval plate with tartar sauce.  We're the victims of Spin Control and Dis-Information, folks.  The New Orleans Chamber of Commerce is behind the campaign - if people know that the catfish they're ordering at K-Paul's started out looking like the specimen to the left, nobody would ever eat the stuff again and the all the Blackened-Fish, Cajun, and Bayou Cookin' places in the South would go (pardon this...) Belly Up.  Now that you know, spread the word - save the species!

Alien-Close-Encounters-Good.jpg (31731 bytes) $225

6.5 x 1.5"

 
Close Encounters of the Fifth Kind 

What, you didn't know 3-Eyed Aliens like a snort once in awhile, too? Good heavens, he even has a subscription to Modern Drunkard magazine (it really exists - do a web search if you don't believe me!)  Yep, it can be a problem, all alone in the UFO for all those parsecs, and nothing to do but siphon off the stuff that fuels the Warp Drive - Jack Daniel's No.7 Black Label.  

THIS is why we've had so stinkin' many UFO sightings all these years - did you ever hear of any before the Jack Daniel's Distillery was founded?  Not a chance!  And now that Jack has reduced the alcohol content of the above-mentioned sippage from 86 to 80 proof, we're gonna be seeing a lot more erratically looping Lights In The Sky as they come back to refuel both driver and ship... 

Germ_E_Coli_Yellow_JPEG.jpg (15737 bytes) $ nononononoo

2 x 2.25"

Germ Series:   E. Coli

In a morbid mood one day, I decided to document the Family Diseases in glass, for posterity.  Actually, a strangely whacked gentleman in one of my classes at Flame & Fusion in Vista, CA. laid a 'Bet You Can't Make This' challenge on me, and planted down a bizarre little green and orange rubber toy he'd lifted from his kids.  It was cool, the body was arranged like that famous drawing of Leonardo Di Vi's, the one with the arms & legs positioned like a clock.  So I made the damthing, and it was so cool I started warping & modifying, and eventually ended up with The Family Germs....  Did ya notice? When you make it into a pendant it becomes Male  (snicker.....)

Germ-Stack.jpg (29866 bytes) $nononono

 (special order)

9" tall, not counting base

 
Germ Stack - exhibited at the Glass Art Society Conference, Corning NY, 2001  

'Send us a piece to exhibit', they said, 'you have 6 square inches of space to fill'.  'How tall is the case?' I asked.  'It's a shelf - they're 18" apart'.   And with a WHOO HOO, I proceeded to make something that would fit my allotted area and sure wouldn't escape anyone's attention!  

Meet the Germ Stack -  a totem pole with 14 beads (9 little separators, 4 big Contagions, 1 barrel at the bottom), all mounted on a 3/32" steel rod that's fixed into a clear rectangular Lucite base.  Allow me introduce you to, from the top, The Common Cold;  E. Coli;  Measles; and Whooping Cough.  I also made a Mad Cow Disease in black & white, but it just didn't fit in well with the others...  darn.

Don't you feel better about your ailments, now that you know they're caused by Insufferably Cute Microscopic Critters?  I sure do... wheeze... snort... atchooo!!!

Goblin_green_hollow_squatting_JPEG.jpg (43499 bytes) $225

2.5 x 2 x 1.25"

 
The First Squatty Goblin 

I've only made two of these - the first one's the prototype that miraculously survived (with only one fixable glitch) - it lives in Washington state with Corina Tettinger, who made him famous in her 'Spotlight on Hollow Beads and Vessels (you can get a copy, and sooooo much more, at corinabeads.com)  The second one lives with me, and keeps the house free of flies and other small aerial insect life.  You can't tell from the picture, but in addition to the Gloriously Lightweight hollow body, this critter also has a sticky 12' tongue that snaps out at the least sign of Lunch Activity.  I'm sure Corina's found this out by now...  you can't wear shiny earrings anywhere near the thing.  My specimen is much like hers, but has a double rhinestone choker instead of green beads for the neck (owe you a couple, Ms. C!).  The Choker is appropriate, considering what it does with those long skinny fingers when it snags the Flying Snack... 

Bird-Stack.jpg (32975 bytes) $25 each

.5 x 1 x .5"

 

Tweet Mystery Of Life, At Last I've Found Youuuuuu.............

But then you might get A Case of Chirpies. Well, what do you expect?  I could've called them Cheep Thrills, or Flight Risk, or  Birds of a Feather, or Flocked Wallpaper, but I *like* A Case Of Chirpies.  

I developed these to go into a bunch of necklaces with Big Smiley Flowers and dangly leaves, and they looked great there (see the Jewelry/Necklace page for a couple pics), and it occurred to me that they'd look pretty good in earrings, so I tried it and they did, and here they are!  

They're almost round, the wings are textured, and they are, of course, Anatomically Correct.  The hole goes vertical up thru the back, and they stack nice! The color doesn't breed true in this species, so you can expect an amazing variety of combos to appear in each generation...

Portrait-Cameo-cow-cat.jpg (43346 bytes) $85 ea.

1.5 x 1.5 x .75"

 

Formal Portraits, Cameos, Trophies? What the heck are these?

Nice encased tabular beads with latticino twisties and a portrait of your favorite critter!  The holes are vertical, and these make great pendants, ceiling fan pulls, bellybutton plugs, zipper pulls, bracelet focals, but not keychain danglies.... sculptural beads aren't happy when they're tossed into bags & pockets & knocked around with keys. Have a sweet small child who has a dollhouse?  Mount one of these above the dollhouse fireplace for that politically incorrect touch that will inflame your animal-rights babysitter!  BWA HA HAhahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Portrait-Cameo-Ostrich.jpg (19732 bytes) $85

1.5 x 1.25 x .75"

Formal Portraits, Cameos, Trophies? What the heck are these?

Ditto on all of the above.  Presenting either an ostrich or a very happy vulture, you choose!

 

Landscape-Wildflowers.jpg (54999 bytes) $85

1.25 x 1"

 

The 'Just Messing Around' Mural Series:  Yet More Wildflowers

What's to say?  It was spring, and I was in the mood.  Some of these have a bit of Rousseau in them, with little yellow eyes peeking thru the underbrush...

 

     
  Dat's All...   

 

      So Far...   THAT'S IT FOR VINTAGE...  if I find any more old stuff buried deep in the  BEAD DRAWERS OF INFAMY I'll stick em on the page, so check back occasionally!   
    NOW IT'S TIME TO GO THE 'RECENT'  PAGES, TO SEE WHAT I DID NEXT.....
           BWA HA HA HA HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!    (hiccup!)

 

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